Nobody Gets Out of Here Alive!

Nobody Gets Out of Here Alive!
One time, I read The American Book of the Dead; and as we all know, once we’ve read the Book, life just isn’t quite the same any more – perhaps a little bit more scary…more confusing for sure. It doesn’t comfort much; it brings Death to your door in everything you do and wherever you go – turning what used to be the most insignificant, ordinary experiences into full blown, alarming and confusing events (much like the writing of this letter)!
	Now-a-days, when I sit in a movie theater, I wonder: "Am I not where I think I am? Am I dead? What should I do?" It’s the most curious thing! To call out to myself with my own voice (is it my own?) and warn that I might be dead and I should be paying attention. To become absorbed by an alien urgency communicating that there is something I should be doing (but what?), that there is a way to avoid rebirth (but how, and for what?), and that there must be a guide in here somewhere! I never really know what to do, though (perhaps I should take another look at that book…). It’s all just a series of thoughts and movements, no real effort to invoke presence and attention or anything like that – just a moment or two when I wonder if I should do something other than become identified with the drama of the movie. So I look around and listen for a while…for a sign, a clue, a light, anything! In the end, I always chose the movie…
Earlier tonight, I thought: "I’m sitting in the theater; it is dark, cool, and not too many people here. There’s just about a dozen strangers, my wife, and I. We are here to watch a movie called ‘What Dreams May Come’, and it is about a guy’s experience of death. Pretty cool experience, I’d say (not much like the Book describes it): painless, no horror, no fear, and even a convenient guide to show him around right from the very start! No confusion, relaxed, smooth, and peaceful passage – quite the ‘ideal’ death, I would say (if only I hadn’t read in some ‘bad-luck book’ somewhere that death is very personal)."
Then, without fail, that one moment – when I question the present (am I really here?) and, looking around the chamber for any clues (guide? Hello?), wonder if there is anything I should be doing besides getting into the action and the drama of the movie. Always that one moment – the one that is brief, escaping between my fingers and around the corner of my eyes as soon as I try to observe it – there’s never a clue. "I guess it’s safer that way. I mean, would I really like it if I was to suddenly awake to see all that I’ve known and considered safe and familiar disappear as if it had never really existed? What would I do if I was really dead and I wasn’t really in a movie theater? And if Diana and all the memories of my past and of my family and friends, of my home, of my daily existence, and everything else that makes me who and what I am were just figments of my imagination? I’d go crazy for sure. But it can’t be – that just can’t happen. If was dead, I’d know it for sure! Just like that guy in the movie. And I wouldn’t be wasting my afterlife inside movie theaters. I’d be ah…ah...well I’d be knowing I was dead and that would be quiet enough for me!"
	And then: (BLINK, BLINK)… "Wha…?"
(BLINK, BLINK)… "To my left!…did I see something?…nothing." (BLINK, BLINK)… "What is that?" EXIT… EXIT… EXIT…
"Wow, a green, flashing ‘exit’ sign! I’ve never seen this before! What is it, really? What should I do? Is there something I should do? It’s that book again, man – won’t leave me alone… I am dead? Could this really be a rebirth station? Nah, it’s most likely an ordinary theater exit sign with a bad light bulb (for sure)." (BLINK, BLINK)… EXIT… EXIT… But then again, a blinking, green exit sign – how more obvious can that get? Should I go to it? Should I take the exit?
	But how could I? With Diana sitting next to me, holding my hand? I mean, how could I just get up and walk towards the green exit sign? How strange would that be? Diana would follow me, wondering what the hell is going on and why I am suddenly and without explanation walking away towards the dark corner of the theater? I can just see myself stepping outside, staring at the street and at cars and trees and the sky, wondering what I was doing there, and searching for an explanation to offer Diana – who would be by then sporting one of her most famous and favorite ‘super confused and a little scared’ masks and asking: ‘what’s wrong, baby?’
Oh well, I guess that’s that. I’m watching the movie. Perhaps another time, huh? Maybe I’ll read the book again and find out what to do. Or maybe it’s not real and I’m just dreaming it all. Maybe there’s nothing to do." See what I mean? And that’s just one little experience. Do not fool yourselves: If it happens to me, it can happen to you! Beware of the red cover…